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This process begins long before we start dating, in our childhoods, when hurtful interactions and dynamics lead us to put up walls or perceive the world through a filter that can negatively impact us as adults.

These adaptations can cause us to become increasingly self-protective and closed off.

We can, in fact, make a choice whether to see our fate through a victimized lens or choose to be goal-directed and take power over our lives.

We benefit from focusing on what we can control and not what we can’t.

They are simply not interested in being in a serious relationship at this time in their life.

Others are single due to the circumstances of their lives.

As a result, we tend to blame our singleness on external forces and fail to recognize that we aren’t as open as we think.2) Unhealthy Attractions When we act on our defenses, we tend to choose less-than-ideal relationship partners.We can become aware of the myriad of ways we influence the reactions we get from others, even the negative reactions.So, the question for the single person looking for love is: what are the internal challenges I need to face?We may establish an unsatisfying relationship by selecting a person who isn’t emotionally available.Because this process is largely unconscious, we often blame our partner for the relationship’s failed outcome.

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